stevenfresco:

i may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented i forgot where i was going with this

riesshistoria:

are lesbian mermaids called h2omosexuals

(Source: cismouse)

booforce:

my friend who snorts cocaine won’t eat cookie dough because it’s bad for you

(Source: biforce)

rewarn:

7% cell phone battery
0% motivation

alt-j:

bisexual means u only have sex twice. in ur entire lifetime. 2

eiffeled:

A person’s tumblr tells a lot about them. It shows what kind of images they see in their head, who they love, who they hate, even what they think about other people.

i hope i randomly get super hot in the next year or two and everyone is just like “oh shit”

(Source: vampiregrill)

carnivour:

I admit, I am an asshole. But I got a nice booty and my hair soft so I feel like I deserve the best like ????

(Source: carnivour)

bahboh:

the police officer looks down at his tummy and says “you are under a vest” and giggles to himself

(Source: bepeu)